April 28

0428

Happy Birthday.
I've sold your chair.
You know, the red vinyl one,
So low to the ground
That even 30 years ago,
You could barely get out of it.

I've changed the PIN
To my accounts
So when I buy groceries
Or gas
Or books
I don't remember this day.

I've stopped visiting,
Stopped calling,
Stopped planning a party.
But, oh how you dance
Like a dervish in my dreams.

On your birthday you are happy.
Not scowling
Not editing
Not pressured for time
Not serving.

On your birthday
You walk with me in the orchard,
White blossoms fanning out at dawn,
And watch the dog stumble on sticks
That years ago she would have
Leaped effortlessly
In her joy to sniff out the game.

On your birthday
You eat chocolate cake,
Black forest cake.

Having gotten where you wanted to be,
Sitting alone in your tiny room,
The blue screen of the laptop
Lighting the corner where you sit,
Eyes closed,
Chest still,
Watching the river of your thoughts
Slow and deep,
Do you look at me sideways
And say something other than,
"You again"?